[The Cornishman]

when he is blow jobbing himself?

If I could have any wish granted that would be the one.I just need an extra vertabrate or a couple of ribs removed and I'm away.

[magenta]

I hate the dark.

Marilyn Manson can give himself a bj can't he?

The crazy lunatic.

[StaticFish]

tell me about.
<cough> although with my 12 incher I already can </cough>

maybe we should stop this conversation now

[Chris]

How come g*a*y is censered but not blow job?

To prevent abuse: You could call someone a gay twat - but you're hardly going to call someone a blowjob. Hmm?

[Sam]

Images in my mind that I really didn't need now, but yeah, I think he can. Blokes are always ill, the male cold and the female cold are two totally different things.

[The Cornishman]

My girlfriend is in hospital at the moment.I really miss her.Shes 73 years old,we met in the car park of our local Bingo hall,I was thrown out for cheating and drinking whisky and she was fixing a tire.I can't help but think her current hospilisation is all my fault because I gave her what I though was candyfloss but it turned out to be insulation on a stick.

[StaticFish]

speak for yourself you blowjob

[magenta]

Men just have to get a bloody headache & they're in bed whinging & wanting food brought to them!

How can you be too ill to walk 10 mins down the road?

[The Cornishman]

Magenta I'm not like other men.Let's get married.I won't even trick you into adopting kids either. Besides,tadpoles are cheaper and sod off after six weeks.

[magenta]

Let's forget about the marriage part, save the money, & spend it on a holiday instead.

[Sam]

:D

Men just have to get a bloody headache & they're in bed whinging & wanting food brought to them!

How can you be too ill to walk 10 mins down the road?

Easy - you can be male! Never mind hon, just refuse him a blow job for 2 weeks, tell him he missed his chance, that'll sort him.

Chris - I see, fair point.

[magenta]

He's always hanging around when I don't want him to be, but when I'd really like him to be with me he's bloody "ill!" He only started feeling ill when it was time for him to come here. I hate men. I'm not that bad am i!? :'(

[The Cornishman]

Nope it has to be marriage.Well I'm not asking twice.A man can only take so much humiliation.Once I've installed my new scanner maybe I'll e-mail you a pic of a few of the more attractive froglets,then you might change your mind.Unless the lid squashes them.Haven't taken the thing out of the box yet or read the manual in detail.Maybe there's a special setting for scanning amphibians.It's all very exciting.

[Sam]

Nope, course not! He ob. wants to see you if he keeps hanging round. The only answer I have for you is 'he's male'. And they call us confusing...

[The Cornishman]

Why is commitment such a big problem for a man?I think that for some reason when a man is driving down that dual carriage way of love,the woman he's with is like an exit,but he doesn't want to get off there.He wants to keep driving.And the woman is like "Look,food,petrol,lodging,that's our exit, that's everything we need to be happy... Get off here, now!" But the man is focusing on sign underneath that says,"Next exit 27 miles," and he thinks,"I can make it." Sometimes he can, sometimes he can't.Sometimes,the car ends up on the side of the road,bonet up and smoke pouring out of the engine.He's sitting on the curb all alone,"I guess I didn't realize how many miles I was racking up."
So where shall we go on holiday.I hear Truro is quite nice this time of the year.

[The Cornishman]

We should go somewhere near the equator where its nice and warm.The answer as to which city is nearest the Equator isn't entirely clear.It really depends how you define 'city'.Some say it's any town with a population over a million,but the trouble with that is there are cities with about 1.1 million residents so during August when loads of people are on holiday the city technically becomes a town so they have to change all the road signs.Well,most of them.And that's just silly.The second,more accepted version,and certainly requiring less maintenance,is that the town has a cathedral.It's something to do with Oliver Cromwell and that archbishop who was murdered for playing a primitive version of Baby Come back by Pato Banton on the organ in Westminster Abbey,I don't know the exact details.Anyway,about this cathedral business...

[magenta]

He has moved about 300 miles to "be with me" (renting a scummy house 10 mins away), if he doesn't want commitment then he should've stayed at home!! MEN!!

[The Cornishman]

Your boyfriend doesn't actually seem that typical.Appears to me the basic conflict between men and women,sexually,is that men are like firemen.To men,sex is an emergency,and no matter what we're doing we can be ready in two minutes.Women,on the other hand,are like fire.They're very exciting,but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.

[Sam]

Is it worrying that that was actully a sensible analysis?

[The Cornishman]

I just realized something the other day.Food doesn't eat people.Its the other way round.It sounds silly but since that discovery I feel a lot more at ease in restaurants.

[The Cornishman]

Back to cheering you up- buy a television screen magnifier- An ingenious device: depending on how much of the screen you cover,Richard will actually look larger than Judy.A warning,however: when using this on the tight close-ups of Richard,you can see up his nose.I had just eaten when I found this out.

[The Cornishman]

Try altering your mindstate.On not less than two occasions,I have subjected myself to a full dozen heavily-glazed donuts prior to my evenings relaxing,and kept detailed notes of my thoughts during the experience.The handwriting's complete illegibility does not detract from the significance of my revelations.

[Stevo_trash]

woowww, i'm like dirk diggler with this handy instrument corny man. Off to the finest taylor in Bond street to cut me a splendid pair of magnified pants.

I have to keep up my hoodwink as 'the ladies favourite sex toy' you know..

[The Cornishman]

You know I don't believe in the adeage 'don't take your work home with you' if you were a dishwasher and you followed that your kitchen would look like hell.

[magenta]

Why do my legs hurt?

And why does it say on vibrator instructions not to use them on "unexplained calf pain"?