[Jonny Hoare]

Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la and indeed la

I need great comedy materila for my Boxing Day show and New Year's Eve Party on Hospital Radio Plymouth


12 hours of broadcast in total to fill. Please Help!

[The Cornishman]

Hospital radio eh? Don't worry I'm sure no matter what the comedy value your listeners will already be in stitches.

[The Cornishman]

Hospital radio eh? Don't worry I'm sure no matter what the comedy value,no one will be listening.

[The Cornishman]

Heres a comedy idea.
When telling a joke speak slowly and clearly so your audience can understand what your are saying.Its also best not to begin with the punchline but rather to end with it.
Hope that helps.

[The Cornishman]

Try to keep the music light.Certainly no hip 'op.

[The Cornishman]

Why not invite the listeners to a game of illness poker.ie: "Ian in ward 3's just phoned up to say his bowel's collasped,but Vera in ward 5 has trumped that.She only has three days to live,if you think you can beat that give us a call!".You could tempt listeners to ring in by offering one of Bruce Forsyths discarded condomns to every caller.

[The Cornishman]

Try to avoid any anecdotes involving the phrase 'open heart surgery is an extremely dangerous operation'.It might also be wise to steer clear of those recent statistics describing the number of accidental deaths in hospitals this year due to NHS neglagance.Cheer your listeners up instead by playing 'The CanCan' three times in a row (everybody loves 'The CanCan especially on New Years Eve) and constantly reminding them of how much fun they could be having if they weren't hospitalised.If things get really desperate liven up the pace with a farmyard sound effects C.D £5.99 HMV.

[The Cornishman]

Provide your listeners with an exciting,first-person point-of-view of your life,thoughts,and emotions by bolting the on-air microphone directly into your skull.

[The Cornishman]

Placing your headphones close to the microphone when they are hooked up will create a really cool pyschadellic 'screeching' effect which will impress your listeners and blow their minds.

[The Cornishman]

Being a cool DJ you are bound to get tons of admeration from adoring young nurses.It is important however to sustain credibility when signing autogaphs,this is easily done by avoiding eye contact.Focus instead on a point midway between the base of the breast and tip of the nipple.

[The Cornishman]

If you are forturnate enough to recieve a blow job from a nurse during broadcast avoid premature ejaculation by focusing intentely on a mental image of Ian Hislops nasal hair.

[Bob23]

How about Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit? I find them a good way to kill a few hours over the festive season.

Alternatively, you could do a Goth theme show. Play lots of tracks by Sisters of Mercy and Type O Negative. They all last about 8 or 9 minutes a song, reducing the cumulative amount of time you need to fill.

[Jonny Hoare]

Hmm Angel of Death goth tunes. you guys are taking the piss

[Sidders]

Try to keep the music light.Certainly no hip 'op.

Nice one!

Hmm Angel of Death goth tunes. you guys are taking the *beep*

No tihs sherlock!

[Lawrie]

why dont you play "Guess the disease" or..even more funnier "Whos the daddy" for that christmas feeling!