[a-moron]

Tiiimmmyyy!

[dimtimjim]

Ha! When back-reading that thread t'other day, turns out i'd missed that post by 1... Doh!

Congrats both of you.

Ben, go see the folks.

[Johnny 1989]

Congratulations to you both, How's things going are you getting involved a lot helping Katie or have you decided it's best to step back in the end?


Also I don't want to badger you but I do think you need to tell your parents what's going on, leaving it longer will only make it worse young Stinson.

[Nicola_Red]

You always, always call him StinSon. It's StinTon.

[bmstinton93]

Ah it's all going fine. Obviously I spend time with them both but I have hardly any involvement with the baby.

[Johnny 1989]

You always, always call him StinSon. It's StinTon.

It was a bit of a running gag only because I think at one point only me and him watched How I Met Your Mother and he was been a bit pervy at the time but I shall stop calling him that if you wish

[Nicola_Red]

Haha, no, its fine I just didn't know if you were doing it deliberately or not!

[Johnny 1989]

Haha, no, its fine I just didn't know if you were doing it deliberately or not!

Yeah as I say unless you watch HIMYM you may not get my delibrate misspelling of his surname

[Nicola_Red]

Hopefully the quote in my sig indicates to you that I do get it.

[bmstinton93]

You always, always call him StinSon. It's StinTon.

It was a bit of a running gag only because I think at one point only me and him watched How I Met Your Mother and he was been a bit pervy at the time but I shall stop calling him that if you wish

I'm always pervy.

[Sidders]

Ah it's all going fine. Obviously I spend time with them both but I have hardly any involvement with the baby.

Don't mean this to sound harsh, but surely if she's a mother to a new born baby, she should be focussing all of her time on the baby, especially without any involvement from you. So if you're not 'involved' with the baby I don't quite understand where you fit in at all. It doesn't sound like a very pleasent relationship to me, from your point of view.

I don't mean this to sound horrible, it's just my opinion; but, I think you should either be involved fully, with her and baby, or not be involved at all.

[bmstinton93]

Well her parents act like 2nd patents to the baby so last week I went down to Bristol and she spent Tuesday and Wednesday night with me without the baby. I asked her to bring him round on Wednesday night but her parents thought it wasn't a good idea so he made the decision to get her parents to pick him up at about 9 that evening and stay at mine again so we are still getting alone time. And he's so quiet that at the end of he the day if we spend the day together it's almost as if he isn't there apart from when she takes time out to feed him or change him which is expected. It really isn't affecting us much at all yet.

[Sidders]

It may be quiet enough now, but having just returned from holiday with a 7 week old niece and 1 year old nephew, its the nephew that screams for attention. The 7 week old niece you forget is there a lot of the time as she spends it all asleep.

[bmstinton93]

Meh I know. We'll worry about that when the time comes.

[Yudster]

So let me get this right - basically, Katie has to choose whether she spends time with you, or with her new born son? To be honest I hope for the sake of everyone in that triangle that you lose that one Ben.

[bmstinton93]

I'm not making her choose at all. I always tell her to bring him whenever we do anything. Last Wednesday I told her it was completely her choice what she did. I almost felt guilty when she left him for the night. There are certain times when I ask for it to be just the two of us but not that often.

[The Deadly]

I don't want to come over as harsh but you're pretty irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Speaking from personal experience just shut up and say nothing. If you're wanted or needed then you will be asked for. Reading what you have written you sound as though you want equal attention with the baby but you'll never get it. You'll do a lot of damage if you don't just sit back and be there when she needs you to be there. Just play it cool and relax a bit, life sorts itself out in the end.

[bmstinton93]

Oh trust me thats not how it is. She has admitted countless times that I have completely turned her life around and that she would have continued making mistakes and most likely have sent her life down the shitter without me. She has serious issues and genuinely needs me quite a lot.

[Yudster]

All the more reason for you to stop faffing around and take on some kind of a parental role in that baby's life. Neither of you can have it both ways and if you try it will be the baby who loses out. If it was your baby Ben, would you be doing this differently? I hope you would - and at the end of the day, what the * is the difference here?

[bmstinton93]

Right I gotta admit I don't see why I have to defend myself here. I was never happy with her being pregnant in the first place but we both wanted to make a go of it and i have supported her a lot in these past 5 months and she is perfectly happy with everything I have done for her and she is not expecting me to have any involvement whatsoever and she has been shocked and pleased with how I've been since he was born and how I was throughout the whole pregnancy. At the end of the day we're both young and gonna make mistakes but we talk about absolutely everything daily and we're both happy and feel it is all working so far.

[chrysostom]

I think the frequency which you declare 'I have nothing to do with the baby' comes across to people outside of the situation as callous, and seems more in spite of the situation as opposed to as a result of it.

If Katie needs guidance and help, then it's great that you're giving it to her - but I'd question disclosing her personal shortcomings as a person to a public forum.

A lot of the stuff you've said about your situation has come across as you boasting how you haven't been sucked into a parental role, but it seems that a majority of users who have posted in the thread think it would be better for the child if you did take such a role - you speak of Katie dividing her time between you and her child as her choice, but you should be sensitive to the gravity of the situation and realise her child should come before you at every situation - not simply say that she's made the decision so it's ok.

My advice is if you want your relationship to be casual then carry on as you are and it will be tricky. If you want this to be a serious relationship, then you will most likely have to have a significant involvement in the child's life - and you should embrace that as soon as possible.

[Yudster]

Oh I'm not offering advice - if I was, it would be far more unequivocal. I'm not attacking you either Ben, so the idea that you have to "defend yourself" or not doesn't come into it. Fact is, a baby has been born to a girl who is barely out of childhood herself, and some man who can't be bothered to take responsibility for the result of his orgasm, and the way you present it on here its 80% about you, 20% about Katie and absolutely zero% about the baby. You both have to get over yourselves and start realising what has happened here. You tell it like a soap opera plot Ben, and it isn't, its real.

That's not advice by the way. Its just the way it is.

[Bonanzoid]

No child is unlucky enough to call me their father yet so I can't empathise, but it does seem as if you're taking this a bit too casually so far Ben. I don't know you that well, and you seem to have good intentions in dealing with something not many people your age have to deal with, but I just can't help but wonder if it could be handled better.

Matthew is by far the most important person in this situation, and if Katie's having to divide her time between you 2 then it's quite obvious who should take precedent.

Please tell me your parents know by now too.

[Sidders]

I'd go as far as to say that I believe can't have any sort of a relationship with this girl, certainly nothing serious, if you have nothing to do with the upbringing of her child. If it isn't serious and you don't want it to be serious then I think I'd gradually back away. If you do want it to be a serious relationship, then you have to take an active part in binging this baby up.

[a-moron]

Ach * it. Wasn't going to say anything but felt compelled to chip in my two pence (TM johnny1989, circa 11/1/11).

Right folks, why don't we just back the * away from the Benji bashing. He's young, dumb and full of *. He has stated categorically, many times over, this was a situation forced upon him and he's dealing with it the best way he can.

He was emotionally involved with a girl he obviously liked, for a short frame of time (well to us oldies anyways, 6 weeks in teenager terms in monumental), so much so that he felt compelled to announce to us on here that he was in a relationship.
More weeks of eye gazing at each other were to follow then... A big ol' sperm meets egg bomb was dropped on him.
Not even his own wayward babymaking juice mind, some other * who probably thought wiping his * on the sheets after doing it was a perfectly good method of contraception.

He's dealt with that news, dealt with the pregnancy and now the arrival of the wee bundle, all in what he thought was the best way of dealing with it.
It may not be to everyone's liking but unless you're * Mystic Meg you haven't got any * idea how this relationship is going to pan out.
I mean how many of you at 18/19 were thinking the relationship you were at that moment was going to be your happily ever after. He's obviously still happy, she's obviously still putting out.
Win, win.

Please don't reply with the usual 'what about the baby' bollocks. The wee one's weeks old, sleeping shitting and drinking. All it's looking for is the feel of a comfy bosom and a dry pair of pants in the morning. Once more love and support is needed maybe Ben will be more willing to offer it. I hope so.
They're might still be a happy ever after. Stranger things have happened.
*! I'm still married after 6 years. Some * figure that one out.