chrismoyles.net
- Sun Mar 16, 2003 9:26 am
#64755
Ice skating as I found out yestersday,is a complete conundrum of a sport in that it is boring to watch while being dangerous to take part in.It is also almost unique in that it requires you to wear special clothing that actually hinders the perfectly simple process of zipping along on a patch of ice.
Anyone can slide around on ice.It is a fantastic thing.Can there be a man,woman or child in the world that doesn’t curse like a market porter when a mild winter is forecast and the chances of taking a running jump at a frozen puddle recede over the fun-horizon.So why isn’t organised ice skating more popular? Well,let me tell you.It’s those boots.Why on earth do we have to wear those boots? Who on earth was it who first thought that everyone was having far too much simple pleasure sliding about in their socks so we better make them all wear treacherous and impossible steel rails underfoot?
Ask yourself honestly; if there were two ice rinks side by side,one that insisted you wear those mad ankle-breaking boots and another that just let you slide around in your ordinary plimsolls,which one would you go in? How many of us have been humiliated or disheartened away from ice skating after a session spent teetering about in something that can’t make up its mind if it’s footwear or cutlery?
And what about even getting out on to the ice? Once I made some kind of sense of the mile-long laces,I stood up and wobbled toward the rink feeling like a drag queen with unfamiliar heels.Emerging from the changing-room my heart sank as I realised that even walking on boards and carpet is a perpetual struggle.Now I'm going to try it on ice? Brilliant! Why not insist on blindfolds and loaded guns,too?
No,I’m sorry,until those boots become strictly optional you are not going to challenge a simple three metres of frosted pavement for the popular vote.Ice skates,they’re too dangerous! Come on people this stuff is supposed to be fun.
Anyone can slide around on ice.It is a fantastic thing.Can there be a man,woman or child in the world that doesn’t curse like a market porter when a mild winter is forecast and the chances of taking a running jump at a frozen puddle recede over the fun-horizon.So why isn’t organised ice skating more popular? Well,let me tell you.It’s those boots.Why on earth do we have to wear those boots? Who on earth was it who first thought that everyone was having far too much simple pleasure sliding about in their socks so we better make them all wear treacherous and impossible steel rails underfoot?
Ask yourself honestly; if there were two ice rinks side by side,one that insisted you wear those mad ankle-breaking boots and another that just let you slide around in your ordinary plimsolls,which one would you go in? How many of us have been humiliated or disheartened away from ice skating after a session spent teetering about in something that can’t make up its mind if it’s footwear or cutlery?
And what about even getting out on to the ice? Once I made some kind of sense of the mile-long laces,I stood up and wobbled toward the rink feeling like a drag queen with unfamiliar heels.Emerging from the changing-room my heart sank as I realised that even walking on boards and carpet is a perpetual struggle.Now I'm going to try it on ice? Brilliant! Why not insist on blindfolds and loaded guns,too?
No,I’m sorry,until those boots become strictly optional you are not going to challenge a simple three metres of frosted pavement for the popular vote.Ice skates,they’re too dangerous! Come on people this stuff is supposed to be fun.
